February 2011 Codependency
Codependency is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peers or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.
This is the gist of Wikipedia’s definition of Codependency. I bring it up to you this month because of the many times it is referred to in my office and the dynamic I have found in working with thousands of people in regard to codependency. What I see more often than not is a lack of awareness of the codependency in general and a sincere desire to blame someone other than ourselves. We therefore lack the knowledge that change must happen in ourselves in order to illicit change in the other. I have also discovered a continuum of codependency in all of us, ranging anywhere from mild, to moderate, to severe.
When we are in a relationship with others we often begin the relationship in codependent ways. Doing things we normally wouldn’t do, saying things we may not mean, agreeing to things that are not in our best interest, overlooking behaviors that aren’t acceptable, etc. All to ‘make’ the other person love us; activating our general need to be loved, accepted and approved of and our general belief that we are not lovable or attractive and acceptable just as we are. When we start a relationship in this way, it can be hard and often full of disappointment and resentments. This eventually causes problems, usually presenting first as resentment and eventually deterioration of the relationship.
We often times make unconscious or unspoken agreements with one another about these behaviors. An example is: If you don’t point out and complain about my daily consumption of alcohol, I won’t point out and complain about your excessive spending and running up the credit card bill. Or even milder forms like: If you don’t keep your agreement with me about doing some of the household chores, I don’t have to keep my agreement with you about improving my health.
Healing codependency can happen through simply asking the right questions, being honest in answering and making necessary changes in thought and behavior to adjust to a healthier way of relating and being. Here are just a few questions to ask yourself to help you understand your role as a codependent person.
· Who do I feel resentment toward? What were the circumstances when you first noticed it?
· Who do I help by being codependent and having undesirable behaviors such as addictions, poor health, poor skills, lack of responsibility, etc.?
· What unconscious or unspoken agreements do I have with others that do not help either of us become the best we can be?
· What feelings, pains, or fears am I avoiding?
· What negative thoughts do I consistently have about a loved one?
· What expectations do I have about another’s behavior? Do they know I have these expectations, or do I just punish them when they do not fulfill them?
I invite you to take some time this week to answer some of these questions in depth. Allow these to lead to other inquiring questions. Put your fear aside for a short time. Be gentle with yourself knowing that more often than not you do function from a place of needing validation that you are good enough and loveable; and an underlying belief and fear that maybe you’re not. It’s all good, and it is all especially good if you use it to heal yourself, and in doing so, you will heal others.
In joy, Tracy
BLISS -November 2010
Everyone speaks on it, yet who has known it? Suzanne Curchod Necker (1739-1794)
When I first thought of writing about bliss, I thought no problem, this is easy enough. Yet the more I thought about bliss the more doubt I developed. Sure I’ve had, what I call, blissful moments and experiences, yet what do I really know about BLISS? Thus began the past several months’ adventure of asking others what their thoughts and experiences are with bliss. Bliss has been described to me as times when we are able to be present in the moment, a feeling of resting in a Big Aaaahhh, a heart filled full and overflowing with love for another, being awed by the beauty and tranquility of nature, and an overall sense of wellbeing. Everyone I spoke to felt that bliss is not lasting. One can experience bliss in moments like when you fall into your bed, with fresh clean sheets, after a long and fulfilling day. Others have experienced bliss that last hours and at times days. For example, an evening spent in love and laughter with trusted friends, or while on a spiritual retreat where your body, mind and spirit are constantly being nurtured and renewed. My friend Wendy says that bliss exists anytime she remembers to connect with it. While Mangala, being raised in the Buddhist country of Sri Lanka, says that bliss is everywhere all the time, one just needs a conscious moment to find it. Some believe that bliss is fleeting because we as humans couldn’t comprehend a constant state of bliss. While others say blissful experiences are more meaningful because they are short lived, i.e., without darkness one can not appreciate the light. Yet overall people shared that bliss is a feeling of being connected: connected in a spiritual sense (to God, Spirit, Self and nature); connected to loved ones (including our pets); and the connection parents feel toward their children are all ways we tap into bliss. The spiritual experience of bliss is almost unanimously expressed as an ability to be present in a moment of time. Melissa, a psychologist, best describes this as being entirely mindful in a great moment with no consideration for the next, no future, no past, NOW. No schedule, no agenda, your awareness of anything but now does not exist. A common blissful experience for me is when I’m able to let mediation remove all the chatter of my mind and rest completely surrendered. Thoreau was clearly talking about bliss when he wrote: “There were times when I could not afford to sacrifice the bloom of the present moment to any work, whether of head or hands.” And my friend Kathy describes bliss as an overwhelming feeling of love and happiness. Happiness like she had never felt before, like nothing was wrong or ever could be. A perpetual state of gratitude and wonder with all that life has to offer. Sometimes this connection with spirit is felt in nature. The first time I stood on the sea cliffs of Big Sur, California is a moment I will never forget. I felt so uplifted I was certain I could ascend straight into the arms of God. No concern for this earthly life just pure bliss. Be it from the view at the peak of a mountain, watching the sun slowly rise to greet the day on a quiet beach, the sound of the first birds singing to one another while enjoying that first sip of coffee, or a sacred moment when you are so still in the wilderness that a wild creature allows you a glimpse into their world. These moments, that nearly take your breath away, represent blissful feelings to many of us. “A short hug, a small nudge, a wink from the one you love…” is part of Hanna’s (a 15 year old) poem on bliss representing the connections we have with one another. Several spouses were happy to share that bliss is the simple act of waking next to their trusted mate who is more loving and supportive than they could have ever imagined. My favorite are those moments when your eyes lock with a loved one and linger there, filling your entire being with pure love, tears of joy stream down your face, yummy bliss! Jennifer finds that some of her most blissful moments are when she is able to help someone, just because she can, and sees the relief and gratitude on their face. Mike, an Iraqi war veteran, told me that some of the most blissful times he has had since returning from the war is when he is in the company of someone he can totally trust, simply sharing a beer and a slice of pizza with one who understands the struggles of integrating the experience of war into being a good husband and father. All of us that are blessed to share the connection we have with our pets understand the bliss felt when you hear the soft purr of your cat next to your ear; see the overly excited tail wag from your faithful dog; and feel the total acceptance and joy they show you as you walk through the door at the end of a tough day. Our beloved pets love us like no other, and this is bliss. For many, bliss is a common experience of parenting. Lisa B. the mother of 3 boys says, “Being with my children is bliss! When I look into their eyes I see hope and love! It truly makes life on this planet worthwhile for me.” One of Shawn’s blissful moments comes late a night when she checks on her sleeping children and sees them peacefully at rest. In those moments, she thanks God for the gift of her two children. Another mother, Dolly, describes bliss as hearing “I love you Mommy” whispered in her ear by her young son that makes her heart swell with love until she can barely contain it. And first time mother, Lisa C., eloquently states that bliss is the way my baby nestles into my body as I hold him close, it is in his breath as he lulls softly into dreamland, it is in the delight of his giggle, and its is in my heart as he reaches for me. Through this adventure of getting to know bliss I discovered that among many things it is an overwhelming love, happiness and joy. It’s a connection to those we love, to nature, and to the many versions of God. It’s a feeling of extraordinary peace and an ability to completely accept what ever appears in the moment without concern. Yet for me, the most important discovery is that bliss appears to blessing us in its simplest form, nothing that needs to be bought or possessed, just life as it presents itself. It is everywhere we turn and in each breath we take. We can find it in our tears and in our laughter; in the chaos and in the stillness; in our pain and in our joy all we need to do is awaken to each moment and invite bliss in
In Joy, Tracy
October 2010 Newsletter: Turning Your Complaints Around
If we dare to, we can discover our unconscious barriers to success, love, and joy by listening to what we complain about. Not necessarily what we say to others - some of us have become very skilled at keeping our complaints inside - but what we say with the internal mind chatter. You know you have your favorite complaints. They are the ones that keep coming up, over and over again, despite the people we are with, the environment we are in, the places we live or the jobs we do. This pattern of habits will eventually resurface despite how many times we change our outer world. They will reoccur until we take responsibility for being the ‘common denominator’. Do you remember the saying, “Where ever you go, there you are.” This is what it is referring to. So if you are up for it, take a minute to ask yourself the following key questions:
· What have I been complaining about (aloud or with mind chatter) today, last week, last month, last year, last decade?
· How am I contributing to the repetitive cycle of this dynamic?
· Am I willing to say “YES! This is my self imposed misery?”
· Am I willing to accept that I am loveable just as I am, yet there is room for me to change so that I can truly release all of my complaints?
· Am I willing to do some digging into my unconscious self and find the source of these complaints with the intention of healing and letting go?
It takes supreme courage and guidance from your inner wisdom to do this, but we all have that, REALLY! Now just do it. Let your courage and wisdom run wild and then go celebrate, play or truly rest knowing you’ve done well!
In joy, Tracy
September 2010 Newsletter: The Space In Between
“Ahhh!” or “Oh no!” How do you respond to the space in between? You know, the gray zone, the unknown, the wait, the place of patience where you are being asked to sit still with yourself and trust in Divine Right Timing (DRT) and Divine Right Order (DRO) recharging and purifying.
Personally, I vacillate between the two responses. When I forget who and where I am, I’m an “Oh No!” kind of girl (although I usually use more explicit language). Yet when I remember who I AM, where I am and what my purpose is I can relish in the “Ahhh” of it all. Always (and in all ways) we are asked to dance the dance between the choice of which world to play in – our 3D world, or our spiritual world. When we choose the latter, life is truly, amazingly beautiful, peaceful and serene.
I love the way Rilke writes about this in Letters to a Young Poet:
“…have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
Whether you find yourself in the space in between right now, or at another time, accept what is with great trust. Bathe your innermost self in love and light. Know that before long you will be moving, shaking and making things happen again. There is a plan for all good things and you’re part of the plan. “If you are riding the rapids, that doesn’t mean you are the rapids. If you are taking a slow boat, that doesn’t mean you are a slow boat. You are beyond all the pieces and paces of your life as it appears on Earth. You are absolutely greater than the sum of the parts. You are Wholeness.” A Poem God Wrote One Night from HeavenLetters.org
In joy, Tracy
July 2010: Limitless Possibilities: An interpersonal Journey to Open, Honest & Effective Communications
When working well, we don’t give Communication much thought. Yet when our relationships start to deteriorate we are all about “fixing” the way we communicate. Usually this need presents as mild to moderate frustration and increases from here. It helps to explain that feeling heard and listened to is one of the top 6 things that people identify “feels like love” to them. We’ve all experienced times in our lives when we haven’t felt heard or listened to - maybe you still are. Without open, honest and effective communication with the primary people in our lives things deteriorate, and this starts a multitude of other symptoms – suspicion, bitterness & anger, betrayal, dishonesty, apathy, blame, excuses and so on. In fact, if someone is raising their voice, or if you are raising your voice, you can be sure that one of the issues that is driving this behavior is a thirst to feel heard, listened to and validated.
When I developed the “Limitless” workshops, especially Limitless Possibilities, my desire was to help people eliminate or drastically decrease this dynamic. When we start to experience how it feels and what manifests when we walk away from a problem having resolved it with equanimity and all parties express happiness, appreciation, insight and confidence the results are amazing and fun. The whole world seems lighter and more filled with joy.
Step one: Expanding beyond the issues and conflicts into co-creative and cooperative interactions. This takes internal work and a change in how you communicate. We, as individuals, have to be willing to dig deeper into our own issues by facing them, accepting them and changing them. Then, when in conflict or when problem solving, put your own issues aside and speak with the intention and purpose to not hurt or cause any more pain. Sounds simple, yet it takes great strength, maturity and love to do so.
Step two: Express the core essence of self without fear of rejection. When we tap into that core essence of self we know we are there because the love is so profound we would never consider rejection as an option from this place. The trick is to stay in this place while in conflict, in problem solving mode, or any time for that matter. What determines our ability to stay in this place? Many things: experience, environment, willingness, the level of risk being asked of us and our perceptions of safety and trust and our level of healing just to name a few. So we are often in a dance between our essence self and our 3D self, and sometimes we totally lose track of our essence self (if indeed we ever recall experiencing it) and are convinced that all that is available to us is our 3D self. Either way, we are looking at internal work. Getting that blessed shovel of ours and digging into our own consciousness and brining the unconsciousness to the surface for healing, understanding and love.
Step three: Enjoy the limitless possibilities in the spirit of cooperation and celebration. When we free ourselves from the fear of rejection, we open our lives up for Limitless Possibilities to unfold. We allow others to be who they are, and we see them as loveable, therefore we are able to see ourselves as loveable and divine. The dynamics of 2 or more people enjoying one another from this place are astounding and beautiful. Conflict melts away and joy rushes in. What more could anyone ask for?
Experiment: Next time you are in conflict with another – mo matter how minor the conflict may appear – take a step back and ask yourself…
Can I let this go?
Can I let the other have their way?
Can I surrender the victory?
Can I allow myself to not be right (no matter the evidence showing that you are)?
Can you possibly be seeing this from a wounded perspective – a place that is clouded by your own desires, addictions and views?
Can I allow myself to see fully the other’s perspective on this?
Can I listen for creative ways to solve the problem so that all are happy?
Can I get excited about the problem and see it as an opportunity for healing, understanding and resolution?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, congratulations, you are on your way to experiencing Limitless Possibilities. If the answer is ‘no’, accept this and see it as an opportunity to dig a little deeper into your own psyche and discover what it is about you that could use some healing, love and attention.
Do not reject yourself – you are where you are and it is a perfect place to start. Everything in the Universe is your own personally designed perspective seen through your eyes. That’s great news, because if it is yours then you have the free will, power and control to change it if it isn’t working for you.
So Expand, Express & Enjoy all that a life experienced with Limitless Possibilities can offer you.
In joy, Tracy
June 2010 NL – Affirmation – Little Jessica
Just this week a friend sent me the link to the You Tube videoJessica’s Daily Affirmations. Along with this link (below) she said that she was going to try Jessica’s method the very next morning - including standing on the bathroom cabinet! Now I love and admire this friend and I could hardly wait what to see what she was up to, and without disappointment, I found myself ecstatic to share this with you all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg
Once you’ve watched this clip you will agree how adorable Jessica is in the video, but mostly how profound this is. But why? Why is it we don’t do this for ourselves on a daily basis? Why is it we don’t give this gift to ourselves and our children? And not only do we not do this for ourselves and our children, we actually spend a lot of time doing the exact opposite.
Dr. Shad Helmstetter states that by the time we reach adulthood we’ve heard negative feedback about ourselves, others and the world around us approximately 150,000 times, and positive feedback approximately 1,500 times – all of this if we were raised in a fairly loving and nurturing environment. Otherwise, the ratio between positive and negative feedback will change proportionately. Now it is also said that on average we think 65,000 thoughts per day. Since repetition is our best teacher, and since our programming is mostly negative, by the time we are out in the world attempting to create a loving and fulfilling life for ourselves approximately 75-78% of those 65,000 thoughts are negative toward self, others and the world around us. In conjunction with this, the research by Napoleon Hill states that only 2 out of 100 people actually have the vision, faith and persistence to overcome all the obstacles that appear to get in their path of creating their dreams. I hardly find this surprising considering the odds. Let me also reassure you that those obstacles are within – no matter how profound the evidence is that it is someone or something else causing the problem. Therefore, when you do not accept full responsibility that your thoughts, feelings and actions are due to your experiences and faulty perceptions of your experiences, your repetitive programming from childhood that as adults you continue to feed and grow, and your lack of skillfulness in completely understanding this concept and acting accordingly you sabotage your success.
To help you move positively along ask yourself these few questions:
· What is it that you can say differently to yourself?
· Do you have the courage within to stand in front of a mirror and claim your greatness?
· When your old repetitive patterns and negative thoughts are activated will you have the faith and persistence to challenge and change them?
· Can you feed your children with positive feedback – the food of success – while having healthy and safe boundaries that are developmentally appropriate?
· Can you recommit today to your vision by going deep within and latching on to the faith and wisdom that you are a divine being and deserving of all that you desire?
· Can you get up every morning marching forward despite what happened the day before – realigning yourself over and over again with your greatness and your dreams?
Have fun embracing positive change. In joy, Tracy
May Newsletter: 10 Life Lessons to Remember at the DMV
1. Patience: “My darling, be patient.” my husband said to me as I was driving to the DMV today to renew my driver’s license, “The DMV is a good place to practice patience.”
“Yes, I know my love,” I responded, “I have decided to write the newsletter while I’m there. I am prepared.” “Good, my darling.” He responds.
Yes, I am continuously working on my own issues and stumbling blocks, and one of them is patience. I have to admit that one of the traits I adapted from my mother was righteous indignation, YIKES! As horrible as I think it sounds, and I certainly hate admitting it, it is true. Although I have to say that I watched my mother so very skillfully and confidently act with righteous indignation as a child that I often sat in awe of this dynamic.
One time we attempted to enter into an event at an entrance where we weren’t suppose to. I was about 12 years old, and the man who was attending the gate was trying to tell my mother that we weren’t allowed to enter into this gate without our ‘exhibitor’ badges. My mother said to him, with the greatest amount of authority, “Do You Know Who I Am?” And that was all it took. We were waved right through. I have no idea what would have happened if he had said, “No, I don’t know who you are. Why don’t you tell me?” Yet he didn’t, and here I sit - thirty some years later - with this embedded in my memory; diligently preventing myself from acting out my own version of this dynamic.
So when my beloved husband tells me to practice patience while at the DMV, he means don’t go to the window and say, “Do You Know Who I Am?”, or some version of that. Although I can promise you I have never done this and never intend to do this. Yet had my husband never witnessed me setting some strong boundaries with someone who had seemingly, or unknowingly, overstepped mine; or had he not heard me strongly request customer service when I had not been able to resolve an issue with someone, he would not have said, “My darling, be patient.”
2. Expectations = Disappointment: If you go to the DMV and expect to be served in a timely manner by an overly joyful person who is interested in all the other things that you have to get done that day and is willing to help you get in and out without delay, you WILL be disappointed. So notice if you are having any expectations about time/service and let it go – enjoy the ride, and just set the appropriate time aside. That way, when you’re out in an hour (like I was) you will be overjoyed, and this will rub off on everyone else you encounter for the rest of the day.
3. Come Prepared: Study what you need to know. Know what documents you need and take them. Bring a book. Write a handwritten letter to someone. Write a newsletter, and just plan ahead for some time to yourself.
4. Enjoy the Moment: Look around for all the reasons you dislike being wherever you are, and you will certainly find plenty. Look around for all the reasons you like, or maybe love, wherever you are, and you will also find plenty. There is no time like the present to be present and joyful.
5. Embrace Everyone’s Uniqueness: We are all a beautiful reflection of the divine - notice this. Along with this, decide not to judge others. I heard a wonderful story once from Mary Manin Morrissey. She was at the grocery store, and the lady checking her groceries was very short and snotty to her. As a young man was helping her carry her groceries to the car she said to him, “Boy, that lady sure is in a bad mood.” The young man responded, “Yea, I know. Her son was hit by a car on his bike yesterday. He’s in the ICU, and they won’t let her off of work.” Mary was taken aback, yet this brought home a lesson she remembered hearing from the Dali Lama, “Have compassion without the story.” Everyone has a story, and I can guarantee that there is pain and suffering in everyone’s story – love them anyway.
6. Allowing Yourself to be Agitated Only Hurts You: Your blood pressure rises, your heartbeat increases, your adrenal glands start pumping, your muscles get tense, your blood vessels constrict, your teeth clench, and your fists tighten. These are only some of the physical aspects of agitation. So breathe. Take this time to dream, and imagine the great life you are manifesting. Remember a beautiful moment, song or poem, but don’t allow yourself to get agitated. Be kind and loving to yourself instead.
7. Help Others: Not everyone knows what to do, where to go, where to sign in, how to get a ‘number’, etc. If you see a new person come in and they look confused, help them.
8. Don’t Make It Personal: It isn’t!
9. Stay Centered: Remember that you are a glorious, loving, amazing and wonderful person and that you know the answers. Just breathe and stay calm. If you get rattled or make a mistake, it is okay. Find and keep your center and all will be well.
10.Wash Your Hands When You Leave: Really! Do you think anyone ever washes those chairs or mops that floor?
Oh, don’t forget to smile at everyone!
April Newsletter - Manifesting
How do we manifest our reality? As Mike Dooley so simply puts it, “Thoughts become things, so choose them wisely.” I often teach that everything is manifested twice: first in thought and then in form. Nevertheless, manifesting is a very exciting topic because once we get it – the power of our thoughts – we realize our amazing potential and the responsibility we have to ourselves and the world we create.
After my father died I must have been moping around for far too long, because a dear friend said to me, “Geez, Tracy, when are you going to accept responsibility here? You know, responsibility is only the ability to respond.” Wow, I thought to myself as I fought back the desire to give him a kick in the butt and fight for my right to be miserable for awhile longer. Yet I set my “poor me” attitude aside for a moment and pondered this new – or new to me – approach to responsibility. Prior to that I had viewed responsibility as a burden, something I HAD to do, certainly not something I could choose to do because by doing so I could manifest my own beautiful reality. According to the laws of attraction, I was already manifesting, so I might as well do it with intention and purpose. Little did I know how freeing this could be. No more waiting on someone, the world, or events to change. I could change me, my experiences and my reality.
Just this morning in less than an hour I manifested a window washer for my office windows. It is a bright sunny day – one of the first of spring – and I noticed as I walked into my office how dirty the front entrance door and windows were with sticky finger prints and pollen. "Hmmm”, I said to myself, “this has got to be cleaned and preferably not by me.” I pondered this a little longer, made one phone call to see if a business neighbor knew anyone, and then went to my office to work on this newsletter. Not 15 minutes later my doorbell rang and there was Chuck, asking if he could clean my windows. I said, “Who sent you?” He said no one, and then told me that he comes by regularly to wash windows in the downtown area. Now, I’ve been in that office 18 months and had never seen nor met Chuck. At this point I’m pretty happy, yet another thought runs through my mind…"How much do you charge?” - knowing that I had used up most of the cash I had yesterday and pretty sure he didn’t want a check. He gives me a price, and what do you know? I had exactly that amount in my wallet. Now I know this is a seemingly small thing, yet for me, today, I am overjoyed to have crystal clear windows and door at my office.
You and I have all manifested all types of things - from the seemingly trivial to the not much fun and sometimes heart wrenching - as well as great and life changing events. But I ask you how much have you consciously manifested with purpose and intent?
Well here are some tips:
1. Allow your imagination to soar. Really. Do not be afraid of your imagination, in fact, go crazy with it, no limits.
2. Be persistent and have focus . Take time daily to imagine your life as if all the things you desire were already present. If you are unclear about what exactly you desire think of the feeling/s you desire. This might be excitement to get up in the morning to do your job; maybe you desire to feel love, trust and safety in your relationships; maybe it is a sense of freedom you desire. Whatever it is, see it, feel it, and don’t give up.
3. Do it with joy and excitement in your mind and heart. When engaging in your manifestation exercise, the feelings that you have and how you speak about what you desire are all a part of the equation. Make sure it is a positive experience.
4. Be willing to let go of the old. Sometimes our old patterns, belief systems and even friends and family keep us stuck, as well as any number of other things. So take a peek into your life, your thoughts, and your actions to see which ones you would benefit from letting go of.
5. Honor Divine Right Timing (DRT). This includes having persistence, faith, trust, and steadfastness. There are things that we just aren’t aware of that need to line up perfectly for our dreams to become reality. We just don’t know how many people or events need to shift for all the proverbial little ducks to get in a row and create our dream. Therefore it is important to keep at it, trust and surrender to the divinity of it all.
6. Create support. We all have times when we don't believe in ourselves. You can help decrease this by having a small group of people who you communicate with on a regular basis that help you re-member who you are and re-mind you what you're doing and why you are doing it. If anyone is interested in learning more about this please email me at tracy@tracybecker.net.
In the book , Infinite Possibilities, by Mike Dooley he describes the ‘waiting’ period like this: Imagine you decide to take a vacation, by car, you have your destination planned and are very excited to get there. Everything at home is taken care of so you can leave without concern. Plans have been made for all the fun things you are going to do and the people you are going to see. You’ve had this spectacular image of it all for months, yet once you get into the car you do not know what might happen. You may experience a flat tire, road construction, detours, delays, etc. Do you stop and think, “I’ll never get there.” "I don't deserve to have this vacation." "I'm asking for the impossible."? No, we think “well this sucks and I’m going to be late,” but rarely do we think we won’t get there. So when manifesting enjoy the ride, embrace the unexpected and keep the focus.
Have Fun and as always, In joy, Tracy
February Newsletter
Curiosity & Wonder
“Hmmm, I wonder how I can convey the awesome power of wonder & curiosity to my readers.”
Think about something or someone in your life right now that you desire to “fix” or “figure out”. Now…close your eyes allowing this thought to permeate throughout your body and mind. How do you desire to fix it or what is it that you need to figure out? Allow all the frustration and pressure that comes with being the one who has to figure this out or fix it to arise. While you are thinking upon this slowly scan your body and look for the tension, pain, tightness, tingling, heat that will be hiding out somewhere as a result of pondering how you need to fix or figure this out.
When we think upon issues with the perspective of “fixing” or “figuring out,” it always causes constriction in our body. When our body is constricted from emotional or mental disturbances our potential is blocked as well as our wellbeing. This approach to our problem/s is very powerful, yet not so productive. When our bodies are constricted our creativity, or natural flow of life force energy is blocked and our ability to find true resolution is limited if not stalled out completely. Instead we have rigid and absolute approaches to the problem/s, including blaming, defensiveness, criticism, rightness, etc.
I understand that there are problems that arise that need some tending to, yet the approach is paramount. Now let’s explore a different method of approaching the same issue as above by looking at it with Wonder & Curiosity:
Hmmm, I wonder how I could ______________(bring more joy into my life, express love deeper to my partner, understand my children better, approach my boss for a raise, embrace healthy change, etc.)?
Hmmm, I’m curious how we could work together on resolving this problem so that we are both happy and feel loved?
Hmmm, I wonder if we could see each other as allies seeking to feel more accepted and loved instead of enemies?
Hmmm, I’m curious about what will happen if I approach this situation or person from a more loving, open, and creative perspective?
Again, close your eyes repeating silently to yourself the same problem with the new approach. Experience the difference in your body. Through being open, curiously moving toward a problem with wonder, you open up the natural flow of life force energy and invite Divine guidance to come through. You send a message to your Higher Self or The Universe that you desire the problem to be resolved, and even though you may have some ideas on how to go about this, you are open to Divine guidance so that you get the best result possible.
Try it out, experiment with it, play with it and see what happens. Let go of the need to be right, to fix, to figure out, to dictate, and let your creative potential be active. Create the space for all of the miracles available to you to come forth.
Suggestions : Write down all the issues, problems, concerns you are currently having using this technique. Each day - several times a day - say them, silently or aloud, and watch what happens. The perfect solution will and can show up just about anywhere and in any way, so be sure to be alert. One of my favorite spiritual teachers once told me, “Tracy, everything is a gift, but everything may not come wrapped in paper that is to your liking.” The perfect solution may not be one that is wrapped to your liking, but in the end, it may be the best for you and your spiritual, emotional, physical and psychological self.
Next time you find yourself needing to fix or figure out a problem see if you can add a strong dose of Curiosity & Wonder to the mix and celebrate the opportunity to open up to your creative potential.
In joy, Tracy
January Newsletter - Recommitting
Your heart lies to the left of our chest, it beats a beautiful rhythm as it gives and receives blood to your entire body. Your heart center does this too. It gives and receives love. We either choose to live here in this state of being or not. Each moment is a choice even when all of our instincts and all of our thoughts tell us to run, protect, fight, defend and so on. Each moment we have a choice not to act on these thoughts and reactions. And even after we have acted on them, we still have a choice to stop and recommit to the flow of giving and receiving love.
Ask yourself this question: Is what I’m doing and who I’m associating with getting me what I desire? Oh, and by the way, what is it that you truly desire the most? What adds value and meaning to your life?
I was recently part of a conversation where a young man was perplexed by his inability to keep his commitment to brushing his teeth after lunch. Why, he asks, can’t I just do it? So why can’t he just do it? Why do we find it so difficult to make those simple little changes? The answer is VALUE. Without value and meaning we find little motivation to make lasting changes. My guess is that brushing his teeth after lunch offers no great value or meaning to this man’s life. Somewhere along the line he got the message that he shoulddo this. For commitments, resolutions and agreements to stick there has to be value and meaning for us. How is this going to benefit me in the long run? Is it in alignment with my life’s purpose, my life’s mission, and my highest desires?
This year, let it be the year to let go of the “shoulds,” the pressure from others, the instant gratification, the ego, pride, and especially fear. Commit to your highest desires, which when you whittle them down are about love, passion, connection, contribution and relationship ~ all ‘heart’ stuff. Let your year center around tapping into and joyfully embracing the limitless love that abounds and fills you full ~ expanding your heart’s capacity to give and receive.
With great honor and pleasure I wish you all the best year ever! In joy, Tracy
December Newsletter – Restoring Relationships
How do we restore relationships when they find themselves in trouble? First I’d like to talk about some of the causes of relationship trouble. I believe this can be most simplified in two categories:
1. Lack of relationship integrity
2. Withholding of Love
Lack of relationship integrity is much like lack of personal integrity where we allow ourselves and our partner to let betrayal, lies, omissions and secrets become an acceptable part of the way we relate to one another. This includes the big things like affairs and addictions, as well as the small things like not keeping agreements made with one another and/or yourself.
Withholding love includes acts of criticism, using hurtful and mean words/gestures, ignoring, being unwilling to recognize or solve problems, and physical abuse. Again withholding love can be very obvious – as in battery or physical violence; or it can be subtle such as contemptible looks or gestures.
For either of these categories you will have to decide if your relationship is healthy and fulfilling, or if you are content and satisfied. The range of ‘healthy’ is up to you. I often suggest that couples read books about healthy relationships to see if theirs has some of these qualities. Often times our experience in relationships and our models are distorted and we think this is just the way it is. I had a young man in my office recently describing his parent’s relationship, and he said that they fight all the time and sleep in separate rooms, but this is just the way marriage is after 25+ years. Hmmm.
But for now let’s look at restoring. There are so many ways to restore relationships that the creative capacity for doing so is endless. First start by doing something different that doesn’t fall into the above two categories. My favorite is Surrender the Victory. Surrender the victory means to give up the ‘right’ fighting, you know, fighting to be right. If you are fighting to be right someone has to be wrong, and when this happens in your relationship the relationship losses. There is no true victory when you fight with your partner about who is right.
Next Humble Yourself. A small dose of humility goes a long long way. By this I mean letting your partner and your relationship be your teacher. Be in your relationship as a curious child – learning with humble gratitude about yourself, your partner and the nature of relating in a healthy way. If you can’t imagine humbling yourself to your partner, imagine humbling yourself to the power of love. Let the love between you both be the cliff in which you rise up to and then jump off of soaring to new heights fueled by this love. I know you can do it.
Take Care of Your Emotions. Find alternative ways to identify and process your emotions. They are yours - your partner did not cause them. They are in you, and you have the responsibility to take care of your own feelings. Do not spew them on one another.
Be Nice. This is so simple and it takes so little effort. To repeat an old cliché, practice random acts of kindness, but do it with your partner - without an agenda or an expectation. Just do it because you can and because you probably need to. We are often kinder to strangers than we are to our beloveds.
Having said this I ask you to Be Patient. If we aren’t used to our partner being nice to us, we may become suspicious. We also may have a difficult time receiving positive feedback or acts of kindness. Please do not let this discourage you from giving them. The energy of giving and receiving is the same, it is a circuit. Give, and give without an agenda.
Walk Away From Conflict. If things get heated walk away, but you must also come back to it when the water has settled and calmly, respectfully, responsibly and lovingly talk about what happened. This is absolutely essential. Walking away includes coming back.
Be Grateful. It is so very easy to dismiss your partner’s role, support, help, encouragement, desires, etc. because of familiarity. This is the stop taking each other for granted part of healing. Start looking for the positives, the everyday things that without them in your life, you’d miss them or suffer in some way. I have a great experiment for you to do right now. Stop reading and look around the room you are in – just take in whatever you happened to see. NOW, do it again, but think the color red. What happens? You now have a visual filter of red and the pinks, oranges, maroons, mauves all start to look red. Do you get it? You have the power to change your filter. You can intentionally put on a filter that sees love, support, encouragement, joy, beauty, etc. instead of what you have been seeing.
Respect Boundaries. Practice respect in your relationships. If someone asks for some time or space to sort through their emotions and evaluate their actions, give it to them. Do not be demanding in this manner, you will not have a good outcome or elicit love and trust. Violation of boundaries is the number one cause of resentment in relationship. Therefore you are responsible for identifying, communicating and honoring boundaries.
Take Intentional Time. Take planned and intentional time every week to immerse yourself in your relationship. Make your relationship a priority. Create sacredness and safety to talk, to love, to touch, to romance, to resolve, to restore, to rekindle, to just be with one another. In the end you will not look back and be happy you got the dishes done or watched that football game. However, your heart will be filled full if you can look back on your relationship and know you were present, you loved well, and you invested your heart and your time wisely. These are the dividends that pay off.
Remember The Vibration of Love Heals. It is only the vibration, the intention, the activation of love that heals - nothing else. When anything else is present it is based out of fear, and fear never heals. In a committed love relationship if one is hurting, the other is also hurting. Be the one to shift the fear to love. Years ago I was at a very intimate workshop with Kenny Logins and his wife and they talked about their relationship and fear. They said that they had an agreement that the one in the least amount of fear leads. This way love leads and not fear. When we let fear lead we create more fear and then we’ve got a mess to climb out of. Einstein put it this way, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Commit to doing things differently, and allow love to grow and your relationships to heal. Let love, patience, and understanding lead the way, and watch your relationships become that which you always imagined real love to be.
In joy, Tracy
Relationships:
Reconnecting to the Sacredness
My big question is, If relationship isn’t for our spiritual and emotional healing; if it isn’t to lift each other up to be the greatest and grandest version of ourselves; if it isn’t to create a sacred, soft and safe place to expose and heal our most tender, vulnerable and “unlovable” parts, then what is it for?
If you are listening to each other at the office, in your own home, on the golf course, at the day spa, at the coffee shop; if you are listening to your friends, your family, your peers you may be hearing what I hear in my office day after day, and you may experience and believe that relationship has no sacredness and more often than not may represent some of these things: being controlled or controlling, hurting, defending, battling for who is right, for who does the most chores, who makes the most money, who needs the most rest, who has been done wrong the most, who has done the unforgiveable, who is misunderstood or not listened to, who’s been the betrayed or the betrayer. You may think that relationship is for rearing children, sharing expenses, sharing chores, for social status. You may think it is for having someone to blame and punish for your unhappiness, for being stuck, for not living your dreams. You may experience that it is for abusing, withholding love, for purging every past wrong that was done to you. Yet over and over again, we continue to listen to this, play a part in this, and support each other in this. At some point in our life we have all committed ourselves to these behaviors.
What I also know to be true is that in every single moment, every single breath, we get another chance to do something different – something powerfully meaningful – something greatly selfless – something so loving that we generate an incredible force that destroys the walls of protection that we so diligently and desperately built around us.
Daphne Rose Kingma puts it this way:
The future of love is true love, a great, sweet love that isn’t pain but joy, not small, but vast, not personal but spiritual. This is where we are going; this is our true destination. Our relationships are creating themselves in wild, new, beautiful, and terribly upsetting forms. They are creating demanding experiences that are necessary for us to expand as human beings and as spirits. All our relationships are in the process of melting, if not from without– as the form of marriage itself is dissolving–then from within, where we ourselves are melting down. The soul is shifting our relationship focus from form to content, from rigidity to flexibility, from containment to expressiveness, from our emotional needs to love.
Are you up for this? If you are not, I believe that you will find yourself lonely and feeling empty; or engaging in addictive and distractive behaviors so that you don’t allow yourself to feel the loneliness and the emptiness. This isn’t just our romantic relationships either. It is all of our relationships including and especially the one with our self.
Ask Yourself:
- Can you commit to creating sacredness instead of a raging battle field?
- Can you commit to the journey of self discovery and self responsibility instead of blaming?
- Can you commit to revealing the truth of who you are with all your woundedness instead of leaving - whether you leave physically or emotionally?
- Can you commit to truly and fearlessly loving all of you and those in your life instead of protecting and guarding yourself?
- Can you surrender and accept whatever shows up and allow all of your greatness to shine forth?
I believe that you can. Each and every one of you has the power, the potential, the capacity and the means to do this; and when you think you can’t, ask yourself, what am I truly afraid of and is it possible that this fear is just a farce?
Don’t allow yourself to be left behind, standing on the side lines, being a spectator on this journey of Limitless Love, the expansion of that which you thought was love, to that which is truly love; the glorious celebration of each and every one of you in all of your greatness connecting to the sacred beloved. Oh, and don’t forget your life raft; the sea of love can sometimes get a little topsy-turvy. Enjoy the ride. In Joy, Tracy
Awakening
I had several topics planned for this month, yet in my meditation this morning I discovered that “awakening” was the topic that needed to be touched on. I must warn you that if you are not up for a spiritual kick in the rear – go ahead and delete this now, ‘cause its coming.
If you have ever been to a yoga class, studied some Eastern philosophy/religions in depth, and/or read about some ancient healing practices you will have heard of chakras. For the most part what has been generally taught is that there are 7 chakras in our bio-energetic field of existence or aura, and they run from the base of the spine to the crown of the head. Sometimes chakras are referred to as “energy centers” or “dimensions”. In the rest of this writing I will refer to them as dimensions. There are actually 9 dimensions in the body and each of us has 15 dimensions that are grouped in threes – each one represents its own Harmonic Universe or reality; and each Harmonic Universe has a different energy frequency or density. One (1) being the lowest or most dense and 15 being the highest. Below is a brief description.
· 1-3 represent the Incarnate Self – the dimensions of being in the physical body
· 4-6 represent the Soul Identity – the dimensions that bridge our physical body with our soul or spiritual body
· 7-9 represent the Over Soul – the dimensions that are our spiritual identity
· 10-12 represent our Avatar Self – these are the first dimensions that do not reside in the body and are a direct line of communication and experience of our Christos Self
· 13-15 represent our Rishi Self – the seer of the one truth, our connection to Source
It is kind of like this: If you have a TV and you have no antenna or cable support you may or may not get any channels. If you do they will be very limited, fuzzy or distorted. If you don’t know any better, you have no idea what’s available for you to access. This is life in dimensions 1-3. There are all types of distortions, confusion; and obstacles to happiness, peace, joy and loving relationships. You become frustrated, angry, depressed and may even get the attitude of, “Why bother!” Maybe you remember when you were this way - stuck in this limiting existence. Then someone tells you that you need an antenna for your TV and what happens? You get a channel or two, maybe three, but you really have to work at it, adjusting the antenna every time you change the channel, or any time there is outside interference. Now you have moved into the next level of dimensions where you get moments of grace and, peace, yet it isn’t lasting and still causes you frustration, self criticism, etc. Next you get cable hooked up and how exciting that is. Now you’ve got many channels with little to no interference and you don’t have to do much of anything. You have awakened to your spiritual identity. Your relationships improve, your livelihood feels more intentional and purposeful, and you begin to understand your own power of manifestation and ‘right’ perception. And yet there is more. What if you get satellite TV? The experience opens up even more entering into the Avatar Self and being able to live in two worlds at all times: being able to fully function in the physical world while you are in constant contact with your Higher Self, Your Higher Purpose. All decisions are made in complete alignment with your Higher Self.
Now for most of us only dimensions 1-7 are activated which limits our experiences and our ability to gain and maintain that ‘awakened’ state of being. Yet more and more healing facilitators are being activated at the higher levels for the purpose of helping others do the same. Albert Einstein wrote about this many years ago: "A human being is part of the whole, called by us 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation, and a foundation for inner security." Although I do not agree with him in the statement, “Nobody is able to achieve this completely…”, because I have personally sat at the feet of those who have achieved this, this was in his human consciousness as it has been since humankind was created. It is Quantum Physics, Unified Field Theory and has been known about and experienced at some level for eons, either by scientists or by Rishi’s, Sages, Seers, Yogi’s and Avatars.
Now why have I chosen this topic? Because my Higher Self nudged me in this direction, and although I still have free will to say, “No, I already picked another topic,” I choose to stay in alignment with my Higher Self, trusting that there is a purpose greater than my ego - that some of you out there reading this need a reminder of whom you really are and what you are really capable of. To my knowledge to date, we are all capable of activating and functioning at dimension 12 – some of you even higher.
Having said this, my desire for you is to stop playing small and pretending that you don’t know who you are and what your Higher Purpose is. Get some help from someone who can lift you to that next level. Someone who can activate the higher dimensions for you, who can teach you how to create a direct line of communication with your Higher Self and help you to become – body, mind and spirit – in harmony with that which you truly are.
How to Proceed: Please choose carefully and mindfully when you choose someone to help you with this -, we all need help. Meditate on it, pray about it, ask for guidance, and make sure this person ‘walks the talk’. Then make a commitment and surrender to the process because some things will be uncomfortable, maybe even painful for you to look at and to change. Know the healing process - the letting go of deluded perceptions, thinking and relationships is not always easy, and we all have manifested ways to keep ourselves stuck in limited patterns - we all have blind spots. Stay open to alternative ways of accomplishing your goal, because they will challenge your habitual patterns of thinking, being and doing. Do not let fear stop you. Step over it, it isn’t real (fear = False Evidence Appearing Real). The same with pain – it is only real in the first three dimensions – you have at least 9 other dimensions to have experiences that are more real and more powerful than the first three. Do not always believe what your mind and eyes tell you. Practice using your spiritual/intuitive mind and eyes. Read, research, talk about it with others, make your journey to awakening to all that you are everyday language. Do not hide any longer that you are on this journey. Your speaking of it will help to manifest it in yourself and also help others to speak about it, to heal and to become all that they are. Most importantly remember it is a journey, it isn’t an arrival. Some days you will be thick in the muck of it all and some days you will soar higher than ever before. It just isn’t possible for the majority of us to spontaneously awaken. Our bodies are too dense for that and our lives too entangled, plus you’d miss the journey and this is where all the fun happens. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. As always and in all ways – In joy, Tracy
September 2009: Seeds of Anger
Recognize ~ Resolve ~ Repair
I like to explain anger as “energy in motion”: e-motion, just the same as any other emotion that we experience. It ebbs and flows in our consciousness or unconsciousness throughout the day. It is our lack of awareness of our anger and other emotions - our denial that they exist and our unhealthy means of expressing them - that cause us trouble. Yet the truth is that the seeds of anger reside in all of us. They are not planted in us by any other person. They may have been watered by another’s behavior, but they would not sprout within us if they weren’t already there.
Anger does not have to look like an outburst, a yelling and cussing fit, nor show up in violent or volatile ways. It is any and all forms of irritation, frustration, rage, stonewalling, disappointment, injustice, intrusion, discontent, aggravation, blame, criticism, contempt, depression, defensiveness and on and on the list goes. These are all forms of anger. If you would take time throughout your day and check in to honestly see what type of emotions you are having you would be able to see that some form of anger does indeed ebb and flow through you multiple times a day.
Anger also shows up in the body as tension - mostly in the neck, shoulders and shoulder blades, clenched fists, tightness in the face and jaw, and in ones’ tone of voice. How many times have you had someone tell you that they weren’t angry when they stood looking at you with defiance, fist clinched, teeth clamped down and a tone of voice that was spewing venom? Or they may speak with a sugary sweet voice yet have some or all of the body postures and other hints of anger. I see it all the time in my office. So let’s do ourselves a favor and face it - we all have anger. It is the expression or lack of expression of it that harms us.
Recognition: Step one is to recognize that you have seeds of anger in you. When you can do this with acceptance - remembering that only the vibrational energy of love heals - recognizing it with the energy of love - showing curiosity about it and not shunning it or turn away from it - you begin to heal. So the next time anger shows up in you, look at this anger with wonder, i.e., “Wow, I have anger showing up in me right now, I wonder what the source of it is?” Then create time and a safe space for a response to arise.
Neale Donald Walsch writes in Conversations with God, Anger is Fear Announced. I remember reading this 12 or so years ago and thinking “this is revolutionary, how freeing.” If this statement is indeed true, then when we take a look at our anger we can ask, “What am I afraid of right now?” Am I afraid I’m not loved or lovable; that I’m not safe; not respected or heard; not accepted? Or am I being asked to look at the fact that I have little to no control over situations, events and others, only myself? Once you’ve got the answer, the emotional bond from anger begins to loosen its tight grip on you, and you can begin to express anger and other emotions in more creative and honest ways. Let it be fun, make it an adventure.
Resolution: Anger is not resolved through blame, indignation, rightness, judgments, vindication, criticisms, violence or any fault finding in self or others. It is resolved by going within. When we recognize the source of our anger as a response to fear, we begin to soothe the fear, and we can then move forward - healing our false perceptions of self, others and the world around us. Since it is our perception that we’ve been “done wrong” that causes the anger it is the perception that needs to be resolved, not the person or event that appears to have caused the anger. Thus the ‘thing’ that is outside of self is only the secondary cause of anger. You and your perception are the primary cause. If the seeds of anger did not reside in you they wouldn’t be able to come forth when the ‘secondary’ event happens.
Using the garden analogy, let’s say you have this beautiful lush garden, and one day you walk out to harvest some yummy fresh vegetables for dinner and flowers for the table. While out there, you see that some weeds (anger) have sprouted up. If you cut these weeds (anger) at soil level you may be happy for a day or two, yet soon there those pesky weeds are again. In this way you may have removed yourself from the situation - or maybe you have decided to ignore the person that has appeared to make you angry - yet your anger (the weeds) hasn’t completely gone away. However, if you go back to the garden, realizing that the weeds (anger) have their strong roots in the dark soil, you can begin to dig deeper and remove the weeds (anger), at its root, once and for all – resolving it.
Having said that anger is never resolved without, it is only resolved by going within, I desire to state that working through your angry experiences with another is very valuable and often necessary to repair relationships.
Repair: When we lash out in anger toward others we cause pain. We may lash out thinking that if I hurt the other as they have appeared to hurt me, I will feel better, yet this is never the case. Then you have two or more people in pain instead of one. Therefore once you have recognized your anger and gone within to resolve it, discovering its source and working toward destroying the false perceptions in yourself that have gotten you here, then you can begin to repair the relationship/s.
First, ask for some time to sit down and resolve the anger with the other person/s - telling them how the anger in you caused you to react in unloving, uncaring, and if appropriate, unprofessional ways, and that you now know that it wasn’t their fault. It was your own false perceptions that were the root cause. Then take responsibility for the harm, pain or distress you have caused and apologize. If your expression of anger has caused the other/s to be unwilling to repair with you - you may try writing to them expressing your responsibility and apologizing, making sure you do not blame nor justify your anger. Unfortunately, there are times when we end up burning bridges with others making repair difficult. When this happens it is best resolved by again going within to soothe the pain, anger, and guilt and making an important commitment to yourself to not act out in this way again – possibly seeking professional help with your anger so that you do not continue to destroy relationships.
In conclusion, be kind to yourself and others, accept every tiny thing that makes you YOU, change it if you don’t like it, forgive, find understanding in solitude and please go to the root of your anger and destroy it – you’ll feel so much better! In joy, Tracy
August 2009 Newsletter
The Breath
There are only 4 things we do that keep our bodies alive and functioning: Eat, Drink, Sleep and Breathe. I’d venture to say most of us do these things with little consciousness. Now I know some of you are disciplined and mindful about how you treat your body, yet the national obesity rate has continued to rise over the last 25 years, and just because you aren’t obese doesn’t mean you aren’t nutritionally deprived. Some research states that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated, and statistics from the Institute of Medicine of the National Academies states that between 50 million and 70 million Americans struggle with chronic sleep disorders. All this makes me want to say, “Hmmm?” Nevertheless, I’m not going to harp on these three things this month. I’m going to talk about the breath. Well maybe I’ll harp on them a little bit.
How long can one survive without food?
According to some medical experts, if you have water and a certain amount of physical stamina and wellness, you can survive for many days without food. In fact, you may be able to go as long as 60 days, depending on the situation and a number of other factors.
How long can one survive without water?
To maintain a high level of health and efficiency, even in ideal environments, a minimum of two quarts of clean water per day is the generally accepted rule of thumb. In very hot, cold, or very dry environments, or if you are physically active, two quarts of water a day may not be enough to sustain life over a period of days or weeks. So the answer is that the body can only function for 3 days without water.
How long can one survive without sleep?
According to the US Navy, after 72 hours without sleep your body will start to break down. Navy seal “wannabes” go through something called “hell week” where they do numerous exercises with little to no breaks in between. This trial lasts approximately 7 days. After 3 days the trainees are allowed to sleep for 3 hours. After 3 hours, they go another 48 hours without sleep while training strenuously, and later they are allowed to sleep another 3 hours. It is the hardest endurance test known to man
How long can one survive without the breath?
It is generally stated that after 4-5 minutes without oxygen the brain begins to die. After a few minutes of cerebral anoxia (no oxygen to the brain), there can be brain damage. Of course this depends on your overall health, but none the less, it takes minutes - not days, weeks or months – to cause brain damage or death!
What leads to us depriving ourselves of breath?
Fear! Yes, plan ole fear! Some people refer to fear as anxiety, stress, restlessness, irritability, etc., but it is all fear. In fact, every negative emotion or thought is based on fear. If you are honest with yourself you can ask yourself “What am I afraid of?” whenever you feel a negative emotion or hear negative thought patterns racing in your mind. Yet you will first have to use the breath to calm the body/mind enough to get the answer. The first step in stilling the mind is to breathe. When you sit down to look within - preparing to dig around and become the archeologist of your own heart and soul - you will first use the breath to calm the mind. The breath is the link from your three-dimensional self to your Source Self or Higher Self. In fact, the Latin word for “breath” is the same for “spirit.” They aren’t seen as two different things - they are one in the same.
Now when I discuss the breath in my office with people they accommodate my rant, and for the most part, they go along with the practice I suggest, and they do feel better -in minutes. But do you think for a second that they actually practice breathing when they go home? Some of them say that they do, and I smile and nod my head, but the proof is in the ability or inability to begin to control the mind. Some of the funniest sessions I have had are when I’ve tried to teach a teenager with anxiety issues how to breathe. Those of you who have teenagers can imagine the looks I get. Yet again, if they follow along, in just a matter of minutes they are calmer, more rational, and at ease. The flip side to this is that people with a lot of fear-based emotions and thoughts are pretty committed to them and this way of life, and they will literally fight for their right to be fearful. Hence, they have short or labored breath and moments without breath, not to mention a whole plethora of other side effects. People just do not believe it is as simple as placing consciousness on the breath - yet it can be. For the consciousness on the breath leads to a calm mind and body, which leads to self study, which leads to self actualization, which leads to healing, which leads to being able to be present in each moment – in the NOW – which leads to mental, emotional, physical and spiritual freedom. That’s all!
Do an experiment with yourself and pay attention to your breath for a day. When you first wake up, after you drink your coffee, when you watch the news, when you walk into your office, when you’re in the car, when you’re eating, talking, watching a movie, etc., check in to see what you are thinking about yourself and the situation you are in. See how your breath will mirror your mind’s negative thoughts. The more fearful your thoughts, the more shallow or nonexistent the breath will be. Watch someone in your life and see how their breath is as their levels of fear ebb and flow throughout the day. Or better yet, watch a new born and learn how to breathe with your entire body.
I first learned about the study of the breath, surprisingly, not from yoga, but from Gay Hendricks, PhD. Gay and his wife Katie are the authors of many books as well as worldwide teachers on the topic of mental and emotional wellbeing. They have a DVD called The Breath Box where they teach breathing techniques along with some gentle body movements. Gay swears that if you practice this one technique every day for a year, your life will be entirely different at the end of that year – it is true. When you are mindful of the breath you are expressing love to yourself and saying, I’m worth loving, worth living fully, worth expressing my fullest potential. What better way to start each day, or better yet, to be in each moment in the fullest expression of YOU!
So sit still, practice breathing in and out – nice even and full breaths. An easy one is breathing in through your nose for a 3-6 count and out through your nose or mouth for a 6-9 count – doubling the length of the exhale to the inhale. After the body and mind begin to relax - and they will very shortly - look within and see what thoughts you’ve been having that are based in fear and/or negativity, because they are there, and they are secretly running your life. Research shows that 75% or more of our thoughts are negative, and that’s if we had a fairly decent childhood. So we are all running at a deficit of positive thoughts about self and others. Take the time to change them, and please, don’t believe everything you think! In joy, Tracy
July 2009 Newsletter
Distractions
Webster’s states that the word distraction means to draw apart from; to stir up or confuse with conflicting emotions or motives.
To me distraction is anything that keeps me from focusing on loving more, creating more, being still more and expanding my consciousness more. And I, unfortunately, spend plenty of time playing with distractions. In fact, knowing that this morning I was going to be writing to you about distractions I took some time to experience multiple distractions myself. I was quite sure I NEEDED to go shopping this morning and pick up a few things, some of which I have done without for years. I NEEDED to get gas. I NEEDED to have some new flip flops, and I NEEDED to plan my itinerary for an upcoming trip that’s 2 months away. So with all this NEED to do things it is NOW afternoon, and as I begin this newsletter I find myself NEEDING some tea and some lunch. So in the midst of my distractions I’m going to settle myself down and talk to you about this unyielding pull away from our center, our Source Self, our experience of peace and unlimited unconditional love.
One of the main reasons we distract ourselves from our Source Self is to escape perceived pain. We, as human beings, do all types of things to avoid this perceived pain. If we sit down and contemplate with honesty our inner world, we can often times get to the source of what we believe is causing us pain. Then we can recognize that the pain is attached to fear, and this fear is often attached to a perception of lack. One may believe they lack money, time, love, safety, understanding, support, resources, knowledge, etc. One may then conclude that without these things (remembering that this lack is a perception not necessarily real) they are less than, hence causing emotional pain. At the same time throughout our day most of us encounter thousands of pieces of information called sensory stimuli from our environment and those around us. And with little cognitive awareness we are weeding through them and assessing them for importance: need to respond, need to react, need to discard, need to protect, etc. Depending upon our paradigm of the world, which is based on life experiences and how we interpret them and/or our ability to control our mind and our behaviors, we may choose any number of responses. Along with this, we all have an inner critical voice; if we are fortunate, or have worked hard to retrain this voice it is a whisper and managed so that we do not react to it. On the other hand if we have not retrained this aspect of our mind, or if we have little awareness of it, this inner critical voice runs the show often causing less than pleasant situations. Regardless of how aware we are of this most of us are faced with multiple distractions in each and every moment, as well as the option to not allow ourselves to be pulled toward the distraction.
If you know me on a professional level, you know my commitment to the practice of mindfulness meditation and the study and nature of our relationships with self, Source Self and others. If you know me on a personal level you know that even after 21 years of practice, I have times when I bump up against emotional pain and fear as well as allow myself to be pulled out of my Source Self alignment with distractions. Yet it is through the practice of mindfulness meditation, contemplation, and a willingness to sit still and explore the perceived pain and fear that it can be diminished. Thus allowing the beauty and peace of each and every moment come into focus - by using the breath, slowing the mind and the body down, looking with intention of seeing your surroundings, noticing the colors, shapes, textures, smells - watching for the miracles life presents.
If you choose to start a practice for yourself : to be still, breathe; notice your life with wonder and curiosity; be present; practice acceptance and gratitude; and therefore begin to align your body and mind to your Source Self. The part of you that knows that fear isn’t real, only Divine Love is real and lasting. And it is only the energy of Divine Love that truly heals.
For the entire month of July, regardless of what is showing up in your life, I invite you to set up a practice for yourself. To notice when you are playing in the playground of fear and pain and ask yourself to step out of it. Turn toward love, beauty, grace and divinity. In Joy, Tracy
